Problem Child.

So I was browsing my favorite food blogs the other day, and I came across Pim Techamuanvivit's recipe for what she calls "the easiest fig tart ever." (Check out Chez Pim for yourself!) And I thought, Easy fig tart?? That sounds delicious!

OK, actually I thought, Easy fig tart?? That sounds promising and the pictures are drop dead gorgeous. I need a better camera. I wonder if it's worth looking into SLRs or if just a better point and shoot would do it. I need something that can handle close ups, but I'd also like to be able to play with the focus and all that. Of course, I guess I could just do "all that" in PhotoShop, but it's just not the same somehow. Probably a point and shoot is fine. I can't really see dropping a grand to take pictures of my dinner...

But I digress.

Here are the ingredients:

10-15 fresh figs, halved or quartered depending on size
To spread under the figs, 75 grams each of granulated sugar, almonds, and butter
Pie crust dough, make your own or use a store bought "all butter" one

Simple enough, right? So I made a quick list of ingredients, got a little scared at the abstract idea of 75 grams worth of butter, and headed to the market.

Where I found no fresh figs whatsoever.
And no pre-made pie dough, either.

What the hell????

Figs! It's... they're figs!
You can stock starfruit, but not figs?
In the middle of fig season?

Whatever.

I grabbed a package of dried ones and a package of frozen puff pastry as substitutes. (I'm aware I had the option of making my own pie dough. I didn't feel like it. This is was supposed to be easy - it's in the description!) I also grabbed some almonds and a few sticks of butter.

Back at home, I remembered that I had a kitchen scale (yay!), and discovered that 75 grams of butter is only about three quarters of a stick.

I also discovered that I could not find the blades to my food processor.

Okay, so at this point we're working with dried figs, puff pastry, and a blender.
Fine.
Let's get to it.

I toasted the almonds in the oven at 350 for about 10 minutes. Then I dumped them in the blender with the sugar and blended - stopping often to rearrange things - until the two were homogenized into a fine powder.

Then I added the butter.
The blender did not like that part.

I dumped everything into a bowl and sort of kneaded the ingredients together till they were pretty much evenly mixed and my hands were nice and shiny.

To prep the puff pastry I scored an inch and a half border around the perimeter and docked (aka "poked holes in") the center heavily with a fork. Then I painted the border with egg white and sprinkled with sugar.

Time for assembly: Spread 1/4 of the almond/sugar/butter mixture - otherwise called frangipane, ooh la la - over the center of the tart and arrange the quartered/halved figs prettily on top.

Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes until puff pastry is golden and puffed around the edges, flat under the figs. (This part actually worked! I did learn something from all those cooking shows!)

When it came out of the oven I drizzled the whole thing with agave nectar. It looked DELICIOUS! Until I realized I'd forgotten to prep the surface it was sitting on and I might possibly be serving a fig and tin foil tart.

That sucker was stuck on good.

In the end, I managed to remove most of the stuff and arrange a photo op. The setting's nice, the lighting's good, and you can't even tell the thing's busted into a million pieces.

See?