Open Letter:

Dear Produce Manager of the Marsh Supermarket on the corner of Lynhurst and Rockville in Indianapolis, Indiana:

Sunday I decided to make a quick stop at your establishment to pick up a few things for grilling and other nibbles. Frankly I have low expectations for your department, as the offerings are usually lackluster, but how bad can you screw up, say, garlic?

Question: Any idea how long garlic has to sit around before it starts sprouting? Care to hazard a guess? Because I'm pretty sure your merchandise moves quicker than the picture above would suggest. Every single head was sprouting or falling apart. I found two that were in one piece with no visible shoots, but they were brown.

For your customers' herbaceous needs, a choice of sage, rosemary, or thyme in little plastic boxes. That's it. You don't even bother to stock parsley. Let alone the dill and mint I was actually looking for. Sure there was half a ton of drenched, decomposing cilantro, but what good is that when you need DILL and MINT. DILL AND MINT! These are not exotic ingredients!

 

I note that you can also get iceberg lettuce or prepackaged cucumbers, also wrapped in plastic. Although I love those little baby cucumbers, so do not stop carrying those.

The onion and potato selection, in it's entirety. Choose from battered, dried up red onions, or battered, dried up white onions (while they last). And of course, a smattering of green potatoes, conveniently wrapped in - you got it - plastic.

 

You should be ashamed of yourself.

As I said, I don't even have high expectations for this particular store, but I didn't expect to be unable to find viable garlic. It's garlic. It's a common ingredient that lasts forever; that's why it's been used to flavor food all over the world throughout the history of mankind.

The complete lack of any fresh seafood what-so-ever, the dairy section that might be a little warm, the overstocking of hostess snack cakes? Fine, whatever. But we are in the middle of farm country. There is no excuse for a vegetable section in a major supermarket to look like that. I don't care if you are contractually obligated to get your avocados from China or something - at least pick good ones.

You should be afraid to show your face in public. 

Embarrassment should be the primary emotion that fills your days. 

I certainly hope you don't brag about your job to anyone, because if you do, they're laughing at you. Your wife's probably cheating on you, just so she can deal with someone competent for part of her life. 

 When we first moved to this city, I went through a period of severe depression related to the perceived lack of quality food and ingredients. Eventually, I gained hope that there were people out there who were interested in good things. That somewhere, if you dug a little bit, there were people out there interested in flavors aside from salt and fat. 

 You, sir, do not cater to those people. The trip to your department has reaffirmed my cynicism, and I suppose I should thank you for lowering my expectations, as they were apparently rising too high. A grocery trip should not end in tears. 

 Sincerely, 

Someone who actually cares